Phuket

We just returned from 4 great days in Phuket, Thailand. We flew 4 hours to Bangkok on Thai Airways, had a 2 hour layover and then another hour flight to Phuket. Sydney did great on the flight except the one to Phuket because by then she had been up since 4:30am and had only a 45 minute nap on the flight to Bangkok. (By the way, she usually doesn't get up until 6 or so but as usual, she can sense that I needed to get things done and woke up early to thwart me). She had a breakdown for about 15 minutes and then fell asleep but it was such an awful 15 minutes that I felt like I should start handing out large quantities of cash to the other passengers on the flight. But they were all gracious enough to tell me that it wasn't that bad, even though their noses were growing. There were alot of parents on the flight.

We stayed at the JW Marriott hotel, which was fantastic. The facility was beautiful, the service was impeccable, and the food was great. (Thanks, Brian, for the hotel recommendation and the useful info about the facility and the transportation. I wish that I had taken your advice about the wine). There are 5 restaurants at the hotel and a deli that's opened all day. This is where we made our ice cream runs in the afternoon. One of the restaurants is a sushi place. I haven't had sushi since I moved to Shanghai (actually, Sam took me to one but it didn't count. Trust me). I ordered so much food that the waitress felt compelled to ask me if someone else was joining me. Here are some pictures of the facility:

When we checked into the hotel room, the first thing I did was put Sydney down for a nap. But once I laid her down on the King size bed, she started giggling uncontrollably. I have no idea what was going on in her head then. She's probably just glad to be out of Shanghai for a while. She was delirious from the clean air, and excited that she will get to eat fruit that doesn't need to be peeled and vegetables that doesn't have to be cooked. Anyway, so much for the nap. We took a walk around the property and stopped to get a snack. Here are some pictures of our room:

For such an elegant hotel, it was very kid friendly. There's a Kid's Pavilion which is basically a playroom with toys, indoor and outdoor playgrounds, tvs, computers for video games, etc. We were at the Paviolion 2-3 times a day because it was such a great place for Sydney to play with abandon and a great place for me to relax since there is nothing that she could break or choke on. The restaurants had great kids' menus that went beyond burgers and chicken nuggets.

We didn't do anything exciting. We slept, ate, swam, walked about, and played in the Pavilion. And yet the time just flew by. We did meet many really nice families at the hotel. Sydney had a great time --- she was happy and friendly the whole time we were there. She waved at everyone and the people that made a big deal about it also received a kiss blown at them. She's such a ham.

As an added bonus to our trip, the grocery store at the hotel had things that I can't get in Shanghai (or at least I haven't been able to find them) so I was able to stock up on those things. And (get ready to roll your eyes) I had packed a suitcase of dirty clothes to bring with me to have them washed at the hotel. I bet it only took one cycle to wash and dry them all. All I know is that they were delivered to our room yesterday, clean, soft, ironed and perfectly folded.

No Nice Deed Goes Unpaid

My driver is a very sweet man. He is still a bit too subservient to us for my comfort but he means well. When he took me to the F--ing Office last week, I told him that he could do whatever he wanted while I was at the office as long as he shows up at the designated time. I even ate at the office cafeteria (for the last time, I hope) because he wouldn't have time to drive the hour back into town and back out again to take me to lunch. But as I found out through Sam later, my driver sat in the sweltering heat outside my office the whole time, with the AC off. He told Sam that since I am paying for the car, it was not for him to enjoy, and because I'm having to pay for the gas, he didn't want to cause me money. Sam told him that I didn't mind that he ran errands, etc and that I felt bad that he sat outside in the heat all day. My driver said that I was very nice but that he was my "servant" (his specific word) and that he did not feel comfortable taking advantage of my generosity. It literally brought tears to my eyes to hear that (Sam thinks I'm a freak). It breaks my heart that he views himself as a servant, and not a professional providing a service. And he definitely acts as my servant and not an employee. (BTW, I assure you that my ayi doesn't view herself as my servant).

So this past Saturday was his granddaughter's 1 month old celebration. In Asian culture, you don't celebrate the baby's birth until after his or her first month because of the high mortality rate in this part of the world, including Vietnam. It's a big deal. So he asked for the afternoon off but I gave him the whole day off. I also bought his granddaughter an outfit, which wasn't very expensive or fancy because I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable accepting it. He was effusively appreciative but did accept the gift. I didn't understand what he was saying but he pointed to me and held his hand high and pointed to himself and held his hand much lower than when he was talking about me. I almost cried again.

When he dropped us off on Sunday, he presented Sydney with a bag of 5 stuff animals and a bag of cookies. He either spent money that he may not be able to spare on them or he took stuff given to his granddaughter to give to Sydney. Either way, I felt sooooooo bad. I did wonder whether he would feel compelled to do this, but I had hoped that since it was for a specific occassion and not a random gift, that he wouldn't feel the need to reciprocate. Sydney does LOVE the animals though. I took pictures of her playing and cuddling with them to show him. He had a huge smile on his face when he saw them. So of course I will not buy him or his family anymore gifts. I'm also trying not to see him or his situation through the prism of Western culture and feel sorry for him. He may be happy that he has a job, and maybe the job pays him sufficiently. Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart liberal.

Harry Potter

My apartment complex is selling the new Harry Potter book (the English version). Had I known, I would not have ordered it from Amazon.com. It is too late to cancel my order from Amazon, and I'm too cheap to buy 2 copies of it. So I will have to wait another 3 weeks before I can read it. ARRRRRRGHHHH!!!!!!

Why I Have an Imaginary Husband

It has been very difficult for me to be here in China and not discuss politics and certain aspects of Chinese life --- the one child policy, living in a communist country, living without liberties that you know people in other countries enjoy, etc. But I do not want to have an occassion to publish a post on what it is like spending time in a Chinese prison or re-education camp. So I've promised myself that I would keep my mouth shut unless and until someone brings it up.

I just had a very offensive conversation with a colleague. He is a department head of a division in our company. Luckily, its a division that we are about to spin off so my contact with him will be limited. He shared his many opinions with me -- everything from Chinese-Japanese relations to Americans are lazy to I'm brainwashed by America. That doesn't offend me --- you can't talk about cultural issues without expecting other people to have opinions about your culture (good or bad).

Then he asked me if I was going to go out and meet a handsome man in Shanghai this weekend (there's no sexual harrassment laws here --- I'll have to post about that later). I replied that I was too tired from working and taking care of a 13 month old to go out. He asked if I was married, and I said no. He was shocked (and a bit vexed) to find out that I was a single mom, even though it was through an adoption. He said I was crazy and asked (actually demanded) to know what the point was in doing so. I responded that I wanted to raise a child and there were many babies in orphanages that needed a home. He strongly recommended that I take Sydney to an orphanage and leave her there so that she can be raised by people who could take care of her. It took me a couple of seconds to process what he just said before I saw red. I commented that he obviously has not visited an orphanage and that he would not say that if he did. He admitted that he hasn't visited an orphanage but he believed that there were good ones out there, but good or bad, Sydney would be better off being raised by an orphanage because I was unmarried.

Luckily, I had to jump on a conference call and he had to leave my office. I don't want to say that everyone in Shanghai feels this way, because I strongly believe that it is not the case. I had a conversation with the assistant of the head of our Chinese operations about the one child policy (she brought it up) and she thought it was great that I adopted. She heard about my adoption from someone but I don't know who. We didn't talk about my marriage status but if someone told her about the adoption, I'm sure it came up. It's not a man vs woman thing because when I told Effie, our in-house counsel in Beijing, about the adoption last year, she was very discouraging about it. She clearly didn't think I should do it and came very close to saying so. Effie is typically obliging, supportive and accommodating so for her to be negative about my adoption, it must have really pushed a button with her. To be fair, I know that there are people in the US who think that single women shouldn't have kids too. This is why I had no qualms about letting my ayi think that I'm married, especially if she was lying to me about putting Sydney in her crib for naps. I just know that China is a very traditional, conservative society, and there are still certain stigmas. I probably should give her more credit and assume that it wouldn't affect how she conducts herself with me or how she treats Sydney. But I don't want to have to deal with it, with everything else that I have to deal with here. By the way, I told my ayi a couple of weeks ago that my husband works in Singapore now and commutes to Shanghai on the weekends. The subject of my husband has never came up since. Actually, my ayi seemed a little relieved when I told her, considerating how particular he can be:))

Banking and Paying Bills

My friend Sam said it best when he described Shanghai as all hardware and no software. On the surface, it looks like a very modern city, but it lacks the infrastructure that you would expect from the image that they project. Shanghai (and China in general) is growing so fast that their infrastruture cannot keep up. But China is working on this and in a couple of years, I think Shanghai and other big cities will provide more conveniences.

The banking system is very antiquated. Checks do not exist here. Everything is handled by cash or by debit cards. But only Chinese banks may issue debit cards. I had originally wanted to bank at HSBC, which is a European bank, but it would require me to transact solely by cash. In addition, there is the hassle of finding a HSBC, which is not as prevalent as Chinese banks. So I bank at ICBC (Industrial and Commercial Bank of China). Online banking is very limited. I can check my balances online but that is all. I can do wire transfers from an ATM but it would require me to have the other party's private code, which I'm not sure why anyone would give it out.

When I transfer funds from my US account to my ICBC account, it is wired in USD and is recorded in USD. I have to go down to the bank and ask them to convert it to RMB for me. And I have to do this every time. They can't set me up to have it done automatically.

So when you go to a bank, you have to input on a machine what kind of transaction you want to effect -- personal banking, loan, business banking, etc. Then you get a number and a monitor will show you when your number is up and what teller you should visit. Each transaction that you want to effect requires a bank "chop". A "chop" is a company's stamp. So I was at the bank the other day to deposit USD and then convert the USD already in my account to RMB, it required 2 forms and 2 chops. And no one at the bank speaks English. I usually go with Sam or I engage in a spirited game of charades with the teller.

Since checks are not used here, you have to pay your bills by cash. You can pay your bills at the post office or a convenient store, both of which are open 7 days a week. Since there is a Lawson convenient store next to both of my offices, this isn't a problem for me, except for my phone bill. You can't pay it at the post office or convenient store . I have to visit a China Mobile office to pay it. I haven't been able to find one yet, though I'm told that they are everywhere.

One Month Anniversary

I arrived in Shanghai a month ago today. I wish that I could say that the month flew by. It didn't. It crawled. On bruised knees, wheezing and coughing from the pollution and the ubiquitous cigarette smoke. That's not to say that I regret being here, or that I didn't have fun/interesting/amusing moments. It's just been a challenging adjustment period.

On a day to day basis, it really doesn't even phase me. I'm too busy trying to get to where I need to go, communicating with people or scurrying from one meeting to another. I'm on the phone alot with people who do not speak English well or speak with such thick accents that it's a struggle to understand them. It's my problem, not theirs. I'm in China, so it's incumbent on me to speak Chinese, not for them to speak English. I still haven't found a tutor yet. It's next on my to do list, now that I've gotten the car and driver. But every Friday, after I put Sydney down for the night and finish the dishes, I pour myself a glass of red wine (and pray that it doesn't taste like vinegar), a wave of exhaustion washes over me. Part of it is just living in a big city, which I've never done before. Part of it is the language barrier. And part of it is that Shanghai is a dynamic city. I'm told that my tolerance/endurance will improve with time.

Today is my first day in the far office (which I refer to with derision as the F-ing Office) since I rented the car and hired the driver. It still took 1:15 minutes even though we didn't get lost. But the car was air conditioned and did not smell of cigarette smoke. I put on my earphones, turned on my Ipod and enjoyed the ride. I was in the downtown office (which I refer to lovingly as My Favorite Office) yesterday and it was unusally warm there. I have to admit that I've been working there alot. If the administrator there thinks that turning off the AC will discourage me from working there, then she underestimates my aversion to the F-ing Office. Although I now have a printer/scanner/fax machine at my desk. It was delivered today. I no longer have to print and then go fast to get paper. I can let the paper linger on the printer. I may let it sit there all day. However, I will need to find another form of exercise.

The most often given advice that I received from expats here on how to survive Shanghai has been to take a break from Shanghai every couple of months. As someone who always does what she is told:)), I am taking Sydney to Phuket, Thailand next Thurs (July 26-30). I typically stay at quaint boutique hotels when I travel, but this time, we are staying at the JW Marriott. I wanted to be in a Western hotel where everyone speaks English, and I know that everything will work as it should (I hope). It is located right on the beach, which is where we will be planted for the long weekend. Hopefully, it will be a quiet and uneventful weekend.

Ayi's and Kids in General

Ayi's are everywhere where there are kids. Our Gymboree class has an adorable 11 month old girl (who is about 1 1/2 inches taller than Sydney) with TWO of her ayis, both of whom live with the family. One to play along with class, the other to take pictures and carry the water and kleenex. And last week, there was a kid in our class who arrived with mom and an ayi, who was carrying the kid. The mom took the kid into class but as soon as class was over, mom immediately handed the kid over to the ayi. Of course, everyone thinks that I'm an ayi too. Since I do work for Sydney, I should just say yes. I wonder if I said yes, whether they would dish on their employers.

I've noticed more girls here than I had expected, considering the one child policy. Our Gymboree class had 7 boys and 3 girls, but our music class today had 2 boys and 4 girls. There are alot of girls at the park too. Someone asked me if I was planning to have another baby and when I said yes, she said that she was very jealous and that I was very lucky to be able to have another one. She doesn't have any kids yet so she's not aware of how much work 2 will be.

People who have live in ayis have the ayis sleeping in the kid's room so that the parents are not disturbed at night. People are shocked to hear that I am a single mom without a live in ayi. They are literally speechless when I tell them that I cook for myself and do my own grocery shopping. I usually have to repeat myself because they are not sure that they heard me correctly. It's really foreign to them. Someone even gave me an employment agency's name and number because she thought for sure it's because I didn't know where to look. My friend Sam doesn't even have an ayi to clean for him and people think he's mentally retarded. For $2/hour for a housekeeper, I tend to agree with their general consensus.

Because of the one child policy and the value placed on boys, there is now what is called the "little emperor" syndrome. Parents feel so blessed to have a son that they coddle their son to a disgusting degree. And the boys are spoiled rotten. I can hardly wait until my Chinese improve so that I can explain the principle of tough love. And the principle of hitting is bad, even if it's hitting an ayi. And that urinating occurs ONLY in a bathroom. And deoderant is our friend. My office downtown in on the 29th floor. You cram in a packed elevator for 29 floors and you'll understand why I keep harping on this deoderant thing.

My ayi REALLY wants to take Sydney to Gymboree. I don't know why. She asked all the time if I want her to take Sydney or if I want her to come with me to hold our backpack. I asked her if she was just curious about it and if so, she could come with us one time to see what it is like. But all she heard was she could take Sydney every week, which led to an awkward and unpleasant correction of understanding.

Breakfast, American Style

As much as I've enjoyed the international cuisine here, I still need an American meal every now and again. Sydney and I met our friends Sam and Dom at Moon River Cafe, which is owned by American expats. It's a very small restaurant with outdoor seating and an outdoor playground. I had eggs benedict and hashbrowns and Sydney had a pancake, scrambled egg and fruit (and a little bit off of everyone else's plate). And it all tastes just like home. This is the first place that I've been to where American patrons outnumbered Chinese patrons. The employees were all Chinese but they all spoke English well. If it wasn't for the Chinese employees, I could have easily pretended that I was still in Dallas. Now that we've hired a car and driver, I think having breakfast at Moon River will be our weekly routine.

Our New Ride

I finally found a car rental and driver that I could afford. The car is grey a 2006 VW Passat - it's clean and in great condition. I only have the car for 5 days (Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun) and only for 9 hours. Anything beyond 9 hours, I have to pay RMB10 per hour in overtime. I also have to pay for gas.

Today was the first day that I used the car. It is so nice not to have to stand on the side of the street, with Sydney on one arm, her diaper bag on the other, trying to wave down a taxi along with 4 other people, while hoping that we don't inhale too much fumes from other cars that we will get sick. I made arrangements to have the car pick us up at 8:30 this morning, and we exited the apartment straight into the car. It is fantastic!

Our driver is a very nice man by the name of Hou. He's in his 40s and a pretty decent driver, as far as Shanghai goes. He is so eager to please that it is uncomfortable. I know this was his first day to work for me and he probably really needs this job, but it makes me want to cry to see how subservient he is to us. He immediately hops out of the car when he sees us approach to open the door and he does the same thing to let us out. I keep telling him that it's not necessary but my language skills are extremely limited right now. He always puts his hand on Sydney's head when we enter or exit the car so that she won't bump her head. Then Sydney dropped her toy and he immediately picks it up and dusts it off for her. There's such a yearning to please so that I will agree to keep him as my driver. Once my Chinese improves, I'll have to let him know that as long as he shows up on time and doesn't get us killed on the road, I'm a happy camper. I hope that other expats haven't expected that kind of behavior.

The task now is to get Sydney used to being buckled in. After 3 weeks of having mobility in the car, she is not willing to give it up without a fight. This is how she rode in the taxis.

And now, this is how she'll ride in the rental car.

Actually, the last picture is deceiving because she only lasted 5 minutes in the seat belt before she started screeching like a banshee. I'm going to strap her in every time in hopes that she will eventually get used to it.

DVDs

I went to a DVD store near my apartment and bought 5 movies for RMB150 or approximately $20, which is rather expensive for China but I wanted good quality pictures. I watched the new Pirates of the Carribean movie and it was definitely filmed by someone sitting in the theater, which was expected. BUT I did not expect the movie to keep switching from French to English to Russian during the movie. It was a seemless switch but odd and confusing. So I turned on the English subtitle option and this is where the entertainment value is. The English subtitle was written by someone who was not a native speaker and had spent about 2 months learning English. Some of the sentences didn't make sense and others didn't match up with what was said in the movie. For example, someone in the movie said, "So what is the problem?" and the subtitle said, "So you go now away". But as they say, you get what you pay for it.

Confessions of a Spa Addict

I (heart) spas. I love everything about it --- the plush robes, the dim lighting, the scent of flowers or citrus, the water with lemons or cucumbers, the New Age music playing the background. Love it all. I could go everyday. Whenever I travel, I make time to try out a spa. So far the best spa that I've been to, hands down, is the Well Being Spa in Bangkok. The worse was the one in Vietnam in the New World Hotel. I was tortured for an hour by a tiny but freakishly strong Vietnamese woman. If I had any national security secrets, she would have gotten them from me within the first 5 minutes.

Spas are the only place that I can feel relaxed in, except in Vietnam. And its the only place where I can sit still and just veg for an hour or so. I almost always fall asleep during my treatment. I could never tell whether I leave feeling refreshed because of the treatment or because of the nap.

Massage parlors are as prevalent here as Starbuck's is at home. There is literally one on every corner. But I can't tell whether they are massage parlors or "massage" parlors. Or as my friend Sam calls them, the "happy ending" parlor. A popular one here is Dragonfly, which is open until 2am. I would not have tried it out but for the fact that Frommer's recommended it and I don't think that they would recommend a "massage" parlor.

I've been to several now and they rank from ok to great. They are good enough for me to fall asleep during the treatment. But they are only $25/hour (one was $25 for 2.5 hours) so even if they are ok, it's hard to complain. But for that cheap price, you don't have the ambience that you have with American spas.

Every Monday when I stand outside waiting for a taxi, I make a mental note to make an appointment at a spa as soon as I get into the office. And every Friday, I count down the minutes until Sunday rolls around so that I can go to my spa appointment. I know, there is a 1-800 number I can call to talk to someone about my spa addiction. But I would rather spend that time in a spa.

Colleagues

You should not expect daily posts this week. And here's why. The General Counsel from the US, my direct supervisor, is in town for a couple of days this week so I went out to dinner with him and a couple of colleagues. We had to meet at 7:30pm for dinner because I wanted to come home to give Syd her dinner and put her to sleep first. She usually goes down around 7-ish. I had a babysitter come and stay with her while I was at dinner (and iron my clothes because the wrinkles aren't going to work themselves out. All the clothes that were shipped to me were, as expected, incredibly wringled. Yes, it did occur to me to do it myself but I don't want to). Anyway, it worked out great. So we had plans for dinner tonight again at 7:30pm for the same reasons. One of my colleagues, Effie, asked if we could eat earlier. I said that I couldn't because of the Sydney situation but if she didn't want to wait until 7:30 then I'll take a pass on dinner. And she said ok, we'll see you tomorrow. Now, I was sincere about bowing out of dinner to accommodate her, but the quickness and bluntness of her accepting my offer did startle me a bit. I mean, I have good table manners, I'm fun, I don't order off the menu and I don't need anyone to cut my food. Who wouldn't want to eat with me, right?? The person that is actually disappointed by this is the General Counsel. Effie speaks English well but she has a thick accent and you have to read her lips when she speaks or it is difficult to understand her. After a couple of hours of focusing so hard, I usually get a headache. So does the General Counsel. He's probably popping Advils right about now. I wasn't going to cancel the babysitter because I didn't have her number and to chase down my ayi to do it seemed like too much work. Plus the ironing needed to be done. But I wasn't going to waste a babysitter on watching CNN at home (don't get me started on the tv here). So I went out to dinner at a really good restaurant in the neighborhood, and then off to the grocery store. It has been a good night.

Gymboree

It has been raining alot here, which means we have been stuck in the apartment all day. Sydney is restless and climbing up the walls. We did manage to make it over to the indoor playground during a reprieve from the rain.

Luckily, the rain stopped mid-afternoon so we were able to make Sydney's first Gymboree class, which is taught in English and Chinese. We were the only Westerners there, although there was a Chinese couple who were well versed in English. Sydney had a great time, burning off energy. She was more interested in doing her own thing for the most part. The best part of the class was that it wore it out and she nodded off in the taxi on the way home.

I hope you all had a good weekend.

Tips for Traveling in Shanghai

1. There is no voicemail capability. Period. Not on cell phones. Not on land lines. Not even at work. Texting is used alot.

2. Cotton balls do not exist here. Period. They have cotton squares that are a little thicker than tissues (Ladies, it looks like the pre-soaped wash squares that you add water and lather, but a fourth of the size)

3. Never, ever live in an apartment where you can hear your neighbors' every move. Period.

City Diner

I have to admit, I woke up this morning and was feeling very homesick. I think it's because my stuff from the US arrived last night and it just made me think of home alot. It is such a mental relief to have what I need instead of trying to find a creative way to do what I need to do when I'm cooking. And best of all, I have enough cookware so that I don't have to wash dishes several times during the cooking process.

City Diner is owned by American expats and has been voted repeatedly by City Weekend (our version of the Observer) has having the best burgers. So even though it was threatening rain, we ventured out. Syd and I shared a cheddar burger with mushrooms and garlic fries. The burger hit the spot, although not even close to how good Snuffer's is (mmmmmm, S-n-u-f-f-e-r-'s.....). They had rap music playing in the restaurant because nothing says Americana better than greasy burgers and rap.

(That reminds me, I had told our ayi that she was welcome to eat whatever she wants at my house and she said that she there's only a few American food that she likes. When I asked her what they would be, she said potato. I can't make this stuff up.)

City Diner is located next door to City Shop which is a small grocery store that carries mostly Western goods. But they are all junk food Western goods. Yes, it is nice to be able to get Harbro gummy bears when the craving hits, but I would rather have Horizon milk or Classico spaghetti sauce (mmmmmm, s-p-a-g-h-e-t-t-i....... ). There's every brand of chips and chocolate bars that you could possibly want.

It really poured out while we were shopping so yes, we had a 30+ minute wait for a taxi but I had an umbrella and Syd was very cooperative so it wasn't too bad. However, she did take it out on me later when we arrived home. And let's just say, someone had a time out.

Where the Action Is

The playground is our version of the town square that you find in European cities. Everyone, at one point or another during the day, can be found at the playground.

In the early morning, there is a group of people practicing tai chi here. It is really beautiful to watch. Then the kids and nannies/moms come out around 8-ish before it gets too hot. Then they return to the playground in early evening before dinner. In the afternoon, I'm told by Yu that everyone can be found in the indoor playroom.

Sydney loves it out there. Yu keeps telling me that Sydney keeps pulling her to the door to go outside. And of course, Yu relents and takes her outside. Her favorite is the swing. She can't get enough of it. She'll start squealing as soon as she sees it. There is only one baby swing though so Sydney can't always get on it. Though she hovers around it a bit using her Jedi mind trick to get the kid on it to leave.

When that doesn't work, we are off to the slide. It took a while for her to understand that you go down slides, not up.

Sydney gets very excited whenever she sees other kids but she doesn't want to interact with them. She just likes to watch them and be around them. I bet she misses the kids at daycare. It will be much better (and I will feel less guilty) once she starts school next month.

I've met a couple of nice women at the playground. Yin is Chinese and is trying to learn English so we get together once a week at my apartment and she teaches me Chinese in English and I correct her English as needed. She has a 7 month old little girl who is really cute. There is a group of English speaking women that huddles together at the playground. I've met some of them individually and they are nice. I've never joined them as a group because their kids are old enough to play unsupervised and I'm busy chasing Sydney around.

There is little club house as part of the playground and to get into it, you have to climb a little stair way. Sydney can't climb up by herself but she ardently tries everytime. And she always starts off in this "ready, set, go" position.

And as with every playground, there is a bully. Ours is a little 6 year old, cross-eyed boy. He's literally cross-eyed and he is mean spirited. He is constantly trying to ram his push toy into other kids, or taking their toys or throwing rocks at other kids. His nanny tries to restrain him but I could tell that she is no match for him. Whenever he sees Sydney, he runs to her with outstretched hands and I always pick her up because he doesn't look like he knows the word "gentle". Then his nanny pulls him away from us. Sometimes I bring with us a bubble maker for Sydney to chase the bubbles, and very quickly we are surrounded by other kids. They seem really amazed by it that I don't think that they've ever seen anything like it before. When I let the other kids blow on the stick (but not the mean, cross-eyed boy), they blow hard like they are blowing out candles. The little girl below is the only one that could blow correctly so I let her be in charge of the bubbles.

I came home yesterday and the apartment was empty so I went to the window, and sure enough, Sydney and Yu are outside. Sydney is riding on a red truck scooter and a boy is standing by watching her. The nannies are conversing. I remember thinking how nice it was for the boy to share his toy because Sydney is very possessive about her Pooh tricycle at the playground. If she catches another kid coveting her tricycle, she will walk over to the tricycle and hold its handle, and stare down the other kid until he or she leaves. And if the evil eye doesn't work, Sydney will push her tricycle away from the other kid. Like her mom, she doesn't like people touching her stuff.

When they came inside, Yu told me that the boy didn't want to give Sydney the scooter but Sydney pointed to the slide and started to walk over to it. The boy got off the scooter and ran to the slide ahead of Sydney, who immediately back tracks and climbs on the scooter. THAT'S MY GIRL!!!

Ayi Update

(For those of you who have been stressed about this on my behalf, there is a happy ending to this story) When I first interviewed the ayi, I told her that I needed someone to work for me from 8:30-6:30 Monday through Friday. She said she couldn't right now because she is committed to work for someone else at night until July 15th. She also wanted 2,600 RMB per month, which is about $340. Of course that's not much at all. But the average ayi makes 1,800-2,200 RMB per month, so my ayi is asking for a premium because she speaks English. I absolutely think it is worth the extra money for an English speaking ayi, even if she isn't fluent. So we agreed that I would pay her 2,600RMB and she would work for me until 4:30pm now and then 6:30 on July 15th. When I tried to confirm this with her a couple of days ago, she said she couldn't work until 6:30pm until August 22nd because the other family needs her until then. Coincidentally, August 22nd is when Sydney starts at her school. So the deal that I had with the ayi originally was that starting August 22nd, she would come over at 12:30 to clean the apartment and then pick Sydney up from school at 3:30 and stay with her until 6:30. We didn't talk about pay but if she was doing a great job, I wouldn't mind continuing to pay her the same salary for her reduced hours. Of course, I didn't tell her this. But I don't know if that's what she assumed. I couldn't tell if she just doesn't want to work longer hours, even though she accepted the job under those conditions, or if the other family really does need her. My concern is actually that come August 22nd, she'll want to push back the date again. So I told her yesterday that if she can't stay longer starting July 15th then I will need to find a 2nd ayi to come over and stay with Sydney from 4:30 to 6:30 but I will deduct the cost of the 2nd ayi from the 2,600RMB that I'm paying her. I could tell that she didn't like it at all. She came over today and said that she talked to the other family last night and she told them that she will need to work for me until 6:30 starting July 15th. The other family is not happy with her, but she would rather work for me. I am relieved, but having a 2nd ayi wouldn't have been that bad. It would mean that Sydney will have more people to cater to her every whim.

They're Almost Here

My days of one pan and one pot may be over soon. My household goods arrived in Shanghai last Sunday, and with everything else, there were 1/2 a dozen forms to review, complete, sign, notarize, stamp, summarize, initial and file. In triplicate copies. All of that have been completed and now it's just a matter of customs going through it all to see if they need anything for their own house. My shipper said that she thought I would get them tomorrow and that she would confirm on Wednesday. Since I haven't heard from her, I'm thinking that I need to make sure that there's plenty of dishwashing liquid for the weekend. I'll get them next week if I dont' get them tomorrow. The things I am most excited about getting are (in the order of importance):

1. toilet paper 2. paper towels 3. more clothes (which means less laundry)

I felt a little silly packing up the left over toilet paper and paper towels that I had at the house when I moved because I was told that you could get them here and they are fine. First of all, the toilet paper is fine if you are a grizzly bear. And paper towels are non-existent here. I checked 3 major grocery stores and none of them have it. They use wash rags here, which is surprising considering their limited laundry capacity. But before you applaud their efforts to save trees, you should know that they individually wrap their peaches and plums in tissue. So the moral of the story here is that sometimes it pays to be silly.

Sydney

Sydney is doing great. She rules the house and her ayi. She's really bonding with the ayi well. She doesn't cry when I leave anymore. She's still stuck to me like glue when I'm here but I put my watch on her wrist yesterday and she immediately went to find her ayi to show her. I don't know for sure but I think the ayi is putting Sydney in her crib to sleep because she said that Sydney will roll around in the crib and play with her doll and chit chat with herself. That's consistent with what she does during her "quiet time" (aka, Mommy needs a "break time"). She doesn't always sleep though. After an hour, if Sydney doesn't sleep, the ayi takes Sydney out of the crib and they play. I'm just glad that Sydney is getting a little down time so that she will be rested and bouncing off the wall when I get home:))

She's about to give me a kiss

She continues to be a very active, alert and curious kid. It is challenging keeping her occupied all day, but I wouldn't have her any other way. I know, it's easy for me to say when babysitters are only $2 an hour here. But she's so much fun and interesting at this stage. And she can communicate and understand so much. It seems like overnight she started to understand things that I'm saying and figuring things out on her own. Her ayi keeps telling me how clever Sydney is and how she outsmarts the other kids on the playground.

Since we've been here Sydney has learned the following: 1. she can say banana but it comes out "ball nya nya" or "nya nya". The only other word she knows how to say is ball. There's a handful of words that she knows but can't say. 2. when asked, she can point to her nose and belly. 3. when asked, she can wipe her mouth with a tissue or napkin (although she doesn't always do a good job cleaning off her food but it is so cute to see). 4. without being asked, she will pull up her shirt to wipe off her drool. Even if it means stopping to put down her toys to wipe her mouth. It is the CUTEST thing. I don't know how to post the video from my camera or I'd show it to you. 5. when asked, she will pick up her toys and put it in a box. However, she is usually bored after the 3rd or 4th toy and stops. It's a start.

Looking for something to destroy

One of the things that I'm so grateful about with Sydney is that she has a very flexible palate. She eats everything. Her appetite has waned a bit. It's more about variety now than quantity. Since we've been here, she's had Indian food (tandoori chicken, cheese and garlic naan, butter chicken masala, mint chutney), Thai (tofu cooked with minced pork with ginger and garlic, stir fry pork with red bell peppers and basil), Italian and of course, Chinese food. She loves them all. I know that I'm bragging a bit here, but traveling and eating are my 2 favorite things to do, and it is so nice to have a daughter that shares those interests.

Having sticker fun (thanks to Aunt Tyra)

Unfortunately, it is such a hassle to get around in this town that I can't take Sydney out with me everywhere I go, like I did in Dallas. We definitely can't go out to dinner during the week. It takes so long to get anywhere that we are usually out during her snack time or nap time, which isn't always a pleasant experience. Now that she is unrestrained by a car seat, she is very squirmy in the taxi. As a result, we go out to do certain things on Saturday and I have a babysitter come for a couple of hours on Sunday so that I can run errands or explore the city.

this is what I come home to

Sydney's routine is that the ayi takes her out to the outdoor playground in the morning before it gets too hot. Then Sydney has her snack and then naps for 2 hours. Then she has lunch and then plays in the indoor playground. Then they come home to play and if it's not too hot, they go outside to play again. Then she has another snack and then Mommy's home. Not a bad life, huh?

look how long her hair is now

"howdy, everyone"

checking out the view from her bedroom window

no clue as to what is going on here

We both miss you all very much!

Another Appliance Related Post

I've been putting off writing this post because I was hoping to be able to figure out how to use this contraption in the kitchen:

It's suppose to be a microwave/oven/toaster contraption. The monitor has settings like "Grill," "M/W," "Bakery," "Combi," etc. I should be able to bake, grill, roast meats, and make toast. But the only thing that I've been able to use it for is as a microwave, and only for 30 seconds because that's the pre-fixed setting when I push "Speed Start". I can move the setting to Grill, etc, but I can't figure out how to set the temperature. And forget about any kind of timer capability. Also, it has the annoying location of being under the stove, low enough for Sydney to push all of the buttons. She's probably trying to figure out how to work it so that she can have some decent toast.

I've been making toast in a frying pan, but the bread is still a little soggy inside. I only have one frying pan right now so it gets washed frequently. If we are having eggs, bacon and toast for breakfast, I make the toast first, then the eggs, then then the bacon. By the time the bacon is done, the toast and eggs are cold and have to be heated in the microwave. Needless to say, we don't have eggs, bacon and toast often.

After two weeks of soggy toast, I finally gave up on the oven contraption and bought us a toaster oven. It only cost 400RMB, which is about $52, and it is fantastic. All the settings are in English and easy to figure out. It's my favorite appliance in the world right now. The first thing that I made in it were my famous parmesan french fries.

Feels Like Home

My boss asked me last week whether it was starting to feel like home yet. Without hesitation, I said yes, which surprised me, having been in Shanghai for only 1 1/2 weeks. But I thought about it a bit this weekend, and the answer is still yes. The apartment is pretty much set up (Tyra - it looks exactly like it did when you were here, except I got a printer for the office, there's more food in the fridge and there are fresh flowers in every room but Syd's --- you can guess why). I already have a favorite Thai and Indian restaurant, both of which deliver which is an added bonus. I have a favorite kids clothing store. I know where I need to go get groceries/supplies. I know where to buy wine that has been properly stored. I know how to get around Shanghai even though I don't speak the language (yet). It feels like home in the sense that I have adjusted my expectations with respect to some things, and create new expectations about other things. I expect to have a hard time hailing a taxi in the morning. I expect that my taxi driver will get lost on the way to the office. I expect to be the only person in the elevator wearing deoderant. I expect to wait 30+ minutes for a taxi when it is raining. I expect Sydney to manipulate her ayi, and her ayi to overindulge her. I expect that service at restaurants to be slow, and the food to be great. I expect Sydney to pull every single article of clothing out of all 3 of my drawers during the time it takes me to draw her a bath. I expect Jack Bauer to save the US from total annihilation but only at the very last minute in the last episode. I expect to have a store employee yapping in my ear every single second that I am in a department store, trying to sell me something. I expect for people to mistaken me for Chinese. I expect Sydney to bounce up and down, squealing and laughing when I walk through the door at the end of the day. I expect the chocolates here to not be sweet, and the diet cokes to be too sweet. And I expect everyday to be unpredictable.

Update on My Imaginary Husband

To answer some of the questions that I've received, I don't know what Yu thinks about where my husband's clothes are. But I wear alot of dress pants and dress shirts to work, which Yu may think belongs to my husband. My short and slender husband. I also have suit dresses so she would assume those were mine. I have both high heels and dress shoes that look like men's lace up dress shoes. Hopefully, she's not so curious that she's going through everything in my closet. But who knows. She also knows that we are expecting boxes from the US so she may think that his clothes are in there. I have 2 toothbrushes in the bathroom because I couldn't find the one that I opened when we moved in and then found it a couple of days later after I had already opened another one. But my husband's job will require him to travel alot for business. He may have to relocate to Singapore and just commute to Shanghai on the weekends. Sydney and I will miss him dearly but we can't hold him back in his career. I'm not sure how long this charade will last, but hopefully long enough for me to have trained the ayi on how I like for things to be done with Sydney and around the house. (PS, I'm usually not this devious. In order to live with some sense of sanity in Shanghai (as well as China, I'm sure), you have to be creative)

Saved by a Nursery Rhyme

I'm pretty sure that my taxi driver scolded me for being Chinese and not being able to speak Chinese. He kept at it, working himself up into a lather. So, I smiled and recited Mary Had A Little Lamb. That ended our conversation for the rest of the taxi ride. For my next argument, I will unsheath Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick.

Social Saturday

We had our first play date today with Wendy and her one year old son, Jordan. Wendy is an expat from Dallas and has been living in Shanghai for 2 years. We were introduced by a mutual acquantaince in Dallas. Wendy works for Mary Kay, which has been operating in China for 12 years now (who knew?), and is committed to stay in Shanghai for 4 years. So far, she really likes it here. Partly because she has a car and driver (courtesy of her company) and an ayi to look after her son. And she speaks Mandarin fluently because she's Taiwanese. If you have the money (or a good expat package), Shanghai would be an easy place to live.

Wendy and I took the tikes to the Shanghai Aquarium. For kids, it is fantastic --- there are plenty of ifferent things to look at and it is fairly small so the kids wouldn't be overwhelmed or overly excited for too long. For adults, it is disappointing. There are several points on the tour where you are under the aquarium so that there are fish and (very small) sharks swimming above you. There is even a person dressed up like a fish for you to take pictures with. Sydney was too scared to get close to the Fish Man so there's no picture to show.

The kiddos were just fairly interested in each other. They were more intrigued with all of the fun creatures swimming about.

Everyone got along well enough that we are going to plan another play date. It may just be for the Moms though.

Unfortunately, Sydney was too worked up from her new friend and the exciting water animals that she did not take her afternoon nap. As all you moms know, all bets are off if they don't sleep on schedule. So we headed out to dinner with our friends, Sam and Dom, with alot of apprehension (on my part atleast). Sydney has been the only baby that I've seen at all of the restaurants that we've been to. People typically leave their kids at home with the ayi to go out to eat. So you can't expect the restaurant to have high chairs, although some do. We went to a Manchurian restaurant that did not have one, which meant that Sydney couldn't feed herself, which meant that she got restless and had to walk around, which meant that I had to follow her. She didn't have a melt down and thanks to Sam and Dom, a good dinner was had by all.

The restaurant was a bit overwhelming to the senses -- very cheesy, very kitschy and very red. The restaurant is on the 2nd floor so when you leave, several waitresses will stand by the stairs and sing LOUDLY "Good bye, good bye. Be careful walking down the stairs" (in Chinese, of course) over and over again until you are out the door.

I let Sam order for the table and the food was fantastic. I never would have ordered the things that he ordered, so I'm glad he did. We had sauteed eggplant in garlic and some kind of vinagretty sauce, combination platter of dumplings stuffed with spinach, pork, chicken or lamb, another platter of dumplings stuffed with some kind of vegetable, a pork, egg and celery plate that was amazing. And we also shared a big pot of tea. The total cost = US$11. Both Sydney and I loved it all.

By the end of dinner, it was well past Sydney's bedtime and let's just say that the taxi ride home was not a fun one. But the rest of the day was.