No Nice Deed Goes Unpaid

My driver is a very sweet man. He is still a bit too subservient to us for my comfort but he means well. When he took me to the F--ing Office last week, I told him that he could do whatever he wanted while I was at the office as long as he shows up at the designated time. I even ate at the office cafeteria (for the last time, I hope) because he wouldn't have time to drive the hour back into town and back out again to take me to lunch. But as I found out through Sam later, my driver sat in the sweltering heat outside my office the whole time, with the AC off. He told Sam that since I am paying for the car, it was not for him to enjoy, and because I'm having to pay for the gas, he didn't want to cause me money. Sam told him that I didn't mind that he ran errands, etc and that I felt bad that he sat outside in the heat all day. My driver said that I was very nice but that he was my "servant" (his specific word) and that he did not feel comfortable taking advantage of my generosity. It literally brought tears to my eyes to hear that (Sam thinks I'm a freak). It breaks my heart that he views himself as a servant, and not a professional providing a service. And he definitely acts as my servant and not an employee. (BTW, I assure you that my ayi doesn't view herself as my servant).

So this past Saturday was his granddaughter's 1 month old celebration. In Asian culture, you don't celebrate the baby's birth until after his or her first month because of the high mortality rate in this part of the world, including Vietnam. It's a big deal. So he asked for the afternoon off but I gave him the whole day off. I also bought his granddaughter an outfit, which wasn't very expensive or fancy because I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable accepting it. He was effusively appreciative but did accept the gift. I didn't understand what he was saying but he pointed to me and held his hand high and pointed to himself and held his hand much lower than when he was talking about me. I almost cried again.

When he dropped us off on Sunday, he presented Sydney with a bag of 5 stuff animals and a bag of cookies. He either spent money that he may not be able to spare on them or he took stuff given to his granddaughter to give to Sydney. Either way, I felt sooooooo bad. I did wonder whether he would feel compelled to do this, but I had hoped that since it was for a specific occassion and not a random gift, that he wouldn't feel the need to reciprocate. Sydney does LOVE the animals though. I took pictures of her playing and cuddling with them to show him. He had a huge smile on his face when he saw them. So of course I will not buy him or his family anymore gifts. I'm also trying not to see him or his situation through the prism of Western culture and feel sorry for him. He may be happy that he has a job, and maybe the job pays him sufficiently. Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart liberal.